don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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