Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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