I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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