how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
