Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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