What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
