Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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