I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
