I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
