oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
