It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
