This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
