One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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