i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
