Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
