I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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