we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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