So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
