I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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