I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
