think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
