i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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