You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
