sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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