Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
