Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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