Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The struggles of a small town man whore
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
