who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The chlamydia really affected his face.
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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