I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
