You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
