Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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