When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
