mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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