the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i came on her dog
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*