Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.