I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again