As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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