Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"