FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.