so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts