The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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