walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
