Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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