I understand why you refuse to be sober now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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