What did we do last night that was yellow?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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