u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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