Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In other news, I just burned my penis
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
