whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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