Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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