he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize