fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
