Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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