How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
