my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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