Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize