she told me i tasted like america
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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