They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
