It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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