if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
