You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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