so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
