Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
