youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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