What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
