He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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