I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
