At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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