we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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