Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
