THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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