guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The ass gains better be worth it
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